I'd have to say my life hasn't been going as planned lately. I recently received the news that my firm was closing. As in Halloween is my last day (kinda), BOO! Scared ya, didn't I! Too bad it isn't April Fool's Day and Darn it! I am not waking up from a bad dream. For the last few weeks, I have gone about the routine of comforting other co-workers, applying for random jobs, searching lists of jobs, keeping my game face on and trying to smile that "this is for the best". That all kept me busy. But not today. Today I cried at my desk.
I felt shivers on my spine sitting at my desk thinking about how in the hell am I going to do this.
I felt my heart start to race sitting at my desk thinking about my career and how it might be over.
I felt my head start to hurt sitting at my desk thinking about money
I felt my eyes fill with tears sitting at my desk thinking about my education and how I tell my daughter that I lost my job even though I am a college graduate.
I felt my teeth clench together sitting at my desk thinking about how angry I was that someone else made a decision on my future.
I sniffled sitting at my desk thinking about how what job would I have next and would I like it.
I felt a tear fall on my cheek sitting at my desk thinking about all the blood sweat and tears I have put into my job and what was it worth?
I tried to smother the wimper my heart made sitting at my desk thinking about my co-workers and how I will miss them.
I cried at my desk because today it was very hard to live in the present.
That was really deep! I must say, you are very strong. This time of anxiety and fear will pass. You will enjoy your time off with Maggie and learn a little more about yourself and her :) You will be able to enjoy your pregnancy and not have all the stress you've been having with your job. Keep your head up. As they say, things happen for a reason. Even if someone else made this decision for you, it may turn out to be the best decision!
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